either/or

so in my gambling selfish state of my mind I am really hoping to go to a big poker game here in Avalon tonight. I usually go with a buddy from work and I pick him up just down the street and head on over to a long night of cards and trash-talking. Its alot of fun most of the time (unless I lost all of my chips and have no more cash to re-buy).
Then I realize something; just how much I need to hear the word of God. My loving neighbors have taken both Cassie and I into their house and fed us countless times and the least I can do now is to go next door and hear a study. A few years back when Cassie and I were living in the interior of the island @ Whites we would almost make the study every week. We moved into town, none-the-less right next door to them and it was that much easier to walk out the door and over to their home for the Wednesday night study & hotdog dinner/cake afterwards. After a year or two I started really missing the worship we had been accustomed to for so many years back at (old) calvary chapel of anaheim. I love the guy who teaches without question. I know he is a man of God and lives it honestly everyday. He truly cares for my wife and I as if we were his own blood. I overall felt that I personally wasnt being fed by the word of God. I pray I have a better craving for the bible that what exists. Its so low now, it disgusts me. I dont know if it was just for traditional purposes, or to please him but I kept going. Time passed and I started working for Edison with a starting time of 0700hrs... blech... I eventually grew used to these hours and found out that I was having an earlier bed-time as the months passed by. I had to stop going to the study. I dont know if I am spewing out all of this onto this blog for personal closure or to see the very words that I hope to justify my actions with. I just dont know. God help me.

So tonight, Poker & Bible Study Wednesday maybe I will just be productive @ home and wash my dirty dishes.

-MB